Chapter 21 - Sleeping King

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Chapter 21

 

 

Fisé instinctively drew back at the words, and Aurelian allowed it.

 

But even as he yielded that space, his hands gripped Fisé's arms firmly, not letting him flee.

 

"You don't have to decide now. Just remember how I feel. Tomorrow morning, I'll return to the castle and do everything I can to make sure you can live peacefully here. I'll bring your unfinished translations and manuscripts. If I find Launis, I'll bring him too. And once your life here has settled… I want you to think about me again."

 

"You're the one who needs to settle down and reflect. I've already given you my answer."

 

"I'm not giving up. It took me seventeen years to finally tell you how I feel—how could I give up after just one rejection? I'll keep saying it, again and again, until you're so tired of refusing that you give in. So be ready for me."

 

Aurelian's blue eyes shone vividly, filled with the joy of finally being able to express the love he had kept hidden for so long.

 

The boy who had acted so childishly that very morning had vanished. Though his eyes were the same clear blue, they now held the unmistakable gaze of a man. There was desire there—yes—but it was unlike that man's. Aurelian's desire bore no deceit. It wasn't wrapped in sweet words meant to win something else. His yearning came from love—simple, honest, and impossible to ignore. He wanted to touch the one he adored, to connect at the deepest level, to hold and be held.

 

"I won't prepare for that. You'll tire of this long before I ever grow weary of refusing."

 

"If I were going to tire of it, I already would have. I'll remain untouched until you accept me—pure in body, never allowing anyone to lay a hand on me. I swear I'll live like a monk, devoted only to you. Though… I do hope you'll permit me the occasional indulgence with myself."

 

"Enough. Don't make foolish vows without considering your position—you have a duty to leave an heir. A vow you can't uphold will only wound you. You're not someone who could break a promise and feel nothing. Sooner or later, guilt will eat at you like a thorn beneath the skin."

 

"Then I just won't break it. My aunt—my father's sister—is married into the royal family of another suzerain and already has two young sons. Since they rank low in the line of succession there, one of them could succeed me. I just need to strengthen Twydal a little more first. We have to stop relying so heavily on rose oil and build a more sustainable kingdom."

 

"The issue isn't just heirs. You have a duty to take a wife. And beyond rank and obligation… I simply want you to be happy. I want you to cradle your own child in your arms, to love them and raise them well. To be a good father."

 

The person Aurelian should love—it wasn't him. Fisé had countless words to refuse him.

 

Yet even as part of him longed for Aurelian to keep looking at him as he always had, another part of him wished deeply for his happiness.

 

He wanted to support him quietly, from afar, never to witness him grow old and die.

 

He wanted Aurelian's life to end like a fairytale—with a resounding happily ever after. He wanted to fill it with the scent of white roses and see the nation he ruled grow rich and bright.

 

"Fisé… I'll decide what makes me happy. Even if everyone around me—even you—thinks something is perfect, if I'm not happy, it means nothing. I was born a prince. I live on the people's taxes, and I accept that. I'll fulfill my duties. But taking a wife isn't among them. And love… love is freedom."

 

"That's a dream—a sweet, naive dream spoken by children in the bloom of youth. Aurelian, you are the child of two royal lines. You've grown into a handsome, brilliant prince. You live a life others envy, whether you realize it or not. Cherish it. Don't throw it away. You and I—we're of different races, different lifespans, and the same sex. I am not the partner you were meant to find. And truthfully… you are not the partner I was meant to find either."

 

"Fisé… then let me ask: Who is your ideal partner?"

 

"Someone equal to me, or stronger—a flower spirit with a power that rivals or surpasses my own. If we joined, a new flower would bloom, and with it, the world would be colored in beauty. That is the society we live in. You have your own place. So please, let go of me already. And… I'm tired tonight. I'd like to rest. I don't mind the cold—I'll take the upstairs room. You can sleep on the sofa down here."

 

"Fisé… then at least… allow me a vow's kiss. I won't ask for your lips—just your fingertip."

 

But as Aurelian reached once more to take his hand, Fisé quickly pulled away.

 

He couldn't let him make a vow that would ruin his life.

 

"Good night. May your dreams be kind."

 

Without looking back, he climbed the stairs, leaving Aurelian behind with his outstretched hand and lingering ache.

 

As he ascended the staircase tucked into the corner of the room, he felt the warmth of the hearth collecting near the ceiling.

 

His body would cool now that he was apart from Aurelian, but warmth was easy to come by. All it took was a spark to build a fire. For the warmth in his heart, he had Launis. He also had the other cats. The other creatures who called this forest home. Living quietly, watching them grow—it wouldn't be a bad life.

 

If I fill this forest with white roses, perhaps I'll never be taken back to that prison again.

 

He didn't know what the king was planning—but he wanted to be left alone.

 

A part of him swelled with pride at having turned Aurelian away for his own happiness. He would live quietly here, blooming white roses steeped in fragrance, seeking only peace.

 

That night, Fisé lay awake in the bed once used by the former king's lover.

 

Autumn nights in Twydal were long… but even so, morning would come.

 

It was that morning he feared most. The thought of it kept sleep at bay.

 

This may be the last night.

 

Come morning, Aurelian would return to the castle. The king would likely send pursuers. Aurelian had given him a glimpse of something like a dream, but the truth remained: the king was unlikely to let go of something as valuable as him. He couldn't imagine being set free.

 

If he were to be captured and imprisoned again… then perhaps he should turn this room into a cage of thorns before they arrived. The whole villa couldn't be sealed off, but this room—this one room—could be fortified. At dawn, he would bring all the books from the library here, along with parchment and ink. And then, until the king died…

 

…he would barricade himself here.

 

Bathed in moonlight spilling through the window, Fisé turned over and over on the sheets, unable to sleep.

 

He was afraid of morning. Though part of him was calmly preparing for it, there were things he deliberately avoided thinking about.

 

But even if he avoided them, they still slipped in—again and again.

 

It was the parting with Aurelian.

 

Perhaps tonight would be the last time he ever saw him.

 

And how many years might pass while he waited for the king to die? Fisé had no way of knowing.

 

If two, three years went by… by then, Aurelian would surely have a wife and children.

 

I'm glad I refused that vow's kiss. I must believe that.

 

Even though he didn't love Aurelian, his heart wouldn't stop trembling.

 

He wanted Aurelian to be happier than anyone. But just imagining him standing beside someone else made it hard to breathe.

 

If they were never to meet again, then at the very least… he wished they'd shared the same room tonight. He told himself it had been the right thing to go upstairs—but deep down, he regretted it a little.

 

Speaking of which, what about the blanket? He'd told Aurelian to sleep on the sofa, but there might not be one downstairs. Maybe he'd just cover himself with that fur-lined cloak? Or maybe… maybe Fisé could take the blanket down now, and if Aurelian was already asleep, he'd just quietly drape it over him. And if he was awake… maybe they could talk a little.

 

Now that he had a reason to go downstairs, he became all the more restless.

 

Undoing the fabric around his legs, he let the cloth fall into its usual spread, now slightly disheveled, and glanced around the room, still unsure of what to do.

 

He had expected the bedding to be musty, but everything was remarkably clean and of fine quality. The sheets were soft, the air free of any unpleasant smell.

 

The canopied bed was stately—far too much so. It made him realize just how spartan the furnishings had been in his cell.

 

The room wasn't particularly large, but many of the paintings and furnishings had clearly been removed, giving it a sparse, slightly forlorn air.

 

What remained were the grand bed, a heavy wardrobe, white walls carved with rose motifs, and frilled, lacy curtains—decorations suited to a young girl dreaming of life as a princess. Even the drapes and lace hanging from the canopy shared the same delicate design.

 

Aurelian… I want to see you. I want to hear your voice again. To touch you just a little more…

 

Fisé stood there, gripping the edge of the blanket, wondering whether or not to go downstairs.

 

And just as his heart was beginning to tip toward a decision… a knock echoed through the door.

 

He hadn't heard any approaching footsteps. The sound startled him so sharply his whole body tensed.

 

He didn't want Aurelian to know he'd been awake, agonizing like this. So, instinctively, he pretended to be asleep.

 

"Fisé… I'm sorry… I just… I really need to be with you right now."

 

Even through closed lids, he could see Aurelian's figure forming in his mind's eye.

 

He didn't know what sort of face Aurelian was wearing as he gently opened the door.

 

His heart thundered, his toes trembled. He had not expected this, the arrival of a storm.

 

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